Connecting the Dots. Life as I See it.

As you know I’ve been listening to A LOT of podcasts. What is cool is that I haven’t just been listening to one show, or even one category. Some days I’m listing to stories, the next drive life coaching, and then after that I’m listening to a physicist talk about wormholes and trapdoors of the universe.

It hit me earlier in the week that there is a theme to everything I’m learning regardless of the topic or genre of the story. I’ve started pointing them out below and expect to discuss these further within the post as time goes on and I learn more.

We are primal beings and it affects everything about us. From how we feel, the way we react to things, how our brain processes information, what foods our body needs in order to run properly.  Everything about us comes back to this point. If you want to know the answer to a problem, you should probably start with the understanding that we are animals when we go right down to our DNA and our first and only reaction is to survive until the next day. While I will have a list following this item, I understand they should all really be subcategories of this idea, because everything starts here.


Our brain has these super highways, neural pathways, and throughout out lives our thoughts have reinforced these super highways and they provide us with the basis of our thoughts and beliefs. The reason so many of us are traumatized from our youth, and can’t seem to ever get beyond some of the thought processes we created, is because during puberty all those wonderful hormones that are running through our bodies actually went to work on those highways and laid down concrete, put some sealer down, and really seared these pathways into who we are today. So if we were broken and traumatized during this time in our lives, our pathways are broken too. Personally, I’m assuming this too would go back to being a primal being, we were likely designed this way so that we learned lessons of survival in a time when a tiger could have ate everyone in your tribe, but if you happened to survive, you would remember your teachings. Remember, our entire purpose on this earth is to life the next day.


We can retrain our brains to have new thought patterns, but it isn’t easy. We will never have that level of hormones in our body again to make those super pathways concrete, but there are exercises we can do to help reinforce new, healthier ways of thinking and living.


I’ll just get out here and say this now, I think that when everything is said and done and when all our healthcare problems are solved and scientists are no longer backed by the companies that are killing us (shit food, diet industry), we are going to learn that the real key to health is eating a primal diet. I know I’ve had success in the past, but I haven’t ate this way for years. After everything has clicked with me about this whole primal thing, there is something to it beyond just seeing great results on the scale and in the gym. Our bodies and minds are only as good as the food we are putting in our mouths. We are designed to eat meat, veggies, nuts, a little bit of fruit when it’s in season.  It’s as simple as that.


Any person I have listened to that is living their dream and making money, writing books, influencing people, is happy, satisfied, fulfilled…they got to this place because they had a passion and they were living life, honoring this passion and that caught the eye of someone or something and it grew into the successes they have today. This is true to every expert I’ve listened to talk. From the founder or AOL working in his basement with a few developers bringing the internet to every household in a time when no one knew what the heck the internet was, to the life coach influencing millions of students, it all came down to passion.  The found something they loved, the did it, and it eventually opened doors that gave them an authentic life.


This is really a continuation of the above, but it’s so big it needs it’s own point. We have been taught things backward when it comes to making money in our careers. We shouldn’t be working hard to make money, we should be working hard living our passions, and the money will come as a result of the life you are living. It isn’t hard to think of an example, we’ve seen it all over the place with the internet with any blogger that ever made it big. They were just being themselves, living their passions through things like house renovations, sharing recipes, decorating. They were doing the things the loved and the money came. First through advertisers, then through sponsors, then writing books and now everyone has a podcast.  Life is organic and it grows through organic means.


In order to change yourself, you need to stop listening to your brain. It’s hardwired for survival and nothing more. Plus your brain got you to where you are right now, so it’s highly likely that you need to take a step away from the things your brain is telling you and rely a little bit more on experts in the field of changing lives. Talking to friends you trust and really listening to their advise. If something seems a little foreign to you, and against everything your brain believes to be true, it’s probably the right thing to do. Living inside our brains is really the worst thing we can do if we want to change our lives and the way we see ourselves and the world.

This post is going to be a living and growing item on my blog from now on. There is just too much here to hit in one morning session of writing my thoughts. I want to link to the podcasts that reinforce each topic I’m hitting on above so that if anyone reading wants to explore the topics deeper, they have a resource to start. Let’s also make it clear, I’m not a scientist or a therapist and over time my opinions may change as I learn more. These are just a reflection of what I’ve been noticing as I’m diving in and trying to change my world.


A Conversation About Sleep

The end of the school year is killing me on so many levels. It’s 11:00 now and I just finished working with Erin on her math homework. That is, all but the six we couldn’t figure out. It’s like there is this huge push to get as much in on the last week of school. So darn counterproductive because everyone is just maxed out. And that is including the teachers.

Yesterday we had a Girl Scout meeting and that lasted until 8:00. After I chatted up each of the parents when they picked up their daughter, I didn’t get back in the house until about 9:00.

Then work, I wasn’t able to leave until 6:30 today, which means I arrived home at 7:30. I literally walked in, sat in the chair, and went to sleep until almost 9:00.  8:44 per my Fitbit:

Fitbit Nap


Speaking of sleep – look at how awful I sleep.  I mean it is actually pretty disturbing to me. I go in for a physical in a few weeks and I’m going to go and have a sleep study done and see if I need a CPAP machine. I am so tired every day that I have trouble staying up on my way to work. I often sit in the car and sleep for another 15 minutes when I pull into work.

Fitbit Week Sleep

The little hash marks mean that I was restless and when it is red, that means that I was actually up.

I know a big problem is that I have to sleep with ‘one eye open’ because Rob often has low blood sugar at night and occasionally I need to help if he goes too low. I recently told him that I think I need to move out of the room and get my own bed because it is just not healthy to never get a good night sleep.

This reminds me to talk about last Friday, if you notice, I had a little catnap from 9:10-11:17. I took the day off work because I had an early morning violation, I mean ultrasound, of my lady parts. They found a cyst on my right ovary. Interesting. That explains the insane pain I feel when I ovulate on that side. I have no idea what they are going to do, my doctor never even called me back, I just read the results on my medical portal when they posted. It looks to be about an inch and from what I’ve read online they don’t really do much with something that small.

Later that day I had an appointment with my boob doctor. Things look good. They were happy with how I was healing and packing really wasn’t helping much because it would fall right out since it didn’t have much depth any longer. Would you know they burned the shit out of my incision and the remaining opening with some silver nitrate. It hurt for a freaking day afterward, but it looks like it really kicked the closing of the incision into overdrive. I’m definitely looking forward to putting this behind me. I’m praying it doesn’t come back.

That’s all I have for the night – I’m going to try and get some sleep :)

Honoring Your True Self

I’m up early and it’s Sunday. The sun is shining pretty bright and I have a feeling it is nice outside. I can’t remember the last time I was up early on a Sunday. Sunday’s are typically the only day that I have to just sleep in. I feel like I’ve been sleep deprived for a very long time and Sunday just wraps me up in a nice warm blanket and says, “stay, sleep, let the world pass you by”. And like a good listener of the world I say, “thank you very much, I will do that!”

What’s new?

I’ve been purposely walking for exercise for six weeks now. My goal was to make it a full six weeks and to then evaluate how I felt, where I had come from and where I want to go. I’d say being up, feeling good and ready to take on the world so early means that my body is actually healing, even if the scale tells me I’m still larger than life. The funny thing is that I don’t even care about that damn thing anymore.

Over the past couple months years, I’ve been striving to meet certain personal goals. I have been told I have been too hard on myself at times, suggested by others that these goals didn’t really matter and they surly didn’t define me, but I keep trying to fill this empty void that is inside me. When you know with all your heart that you are someone different and then everyday you wake up and you’re not this person you are meant to be, life gets hard. It causes us to make bad decisions, stay in relationships that aren’t healthy, and making it so very easy to neglect ourselves.

Do you ever feel like you are not honoring your true self?

So over the past few weeks I have been doing just that, honoring my true self. Taking care of my body. Organizing the things in my life. Looking internally and listening to my voice, finding out just who Catherine really is. I’m don’t know much yet, but I do fully understand that I am ready to break free of the bullshit. This I know for sure!

What’s next?

So I’m taking on another step tomorrow and I’m going to be focusing on the next six weeks. Since I feel my walking is now a habit and my body is used to the idea of moving again, I’m going to focus on my food. Much the same way that I just worked on the exercise, one day at a time. Evaluating my likes / dislikes, finding what foods make me feel better and which ones make me feel like crap, taking the time out to actually pack healthy things for myself so that I am prepared all day long. For me, it’s all about taking small steps to eventually get to some larger goals met.

I took this picture below my first day out walking. I was so weak from being sick earlier this year that I was unable to walk much faster than a snail. I kept at it, taking one step at a time and now I’m here today much stronger than I was before. I’m not perfect, but I am very much whole.